Lost...Saturday Gatherings

I am at a loss for bloggin lately. I mean I have things, but I guess I am really too concerned with my readers. I mean I have 3 whole readers! I read blogs that are WONDERFULLY written. My favorite wonderfully written blog is Courtney K's from Utah. She is an absolutely amazing writer. She definitely writes for her audience. In my writing lessons at school, we dicuss writing for your audience. I will bet you 10 pop tarts if you asked one of my kids what that means they would have no clue...yes, I am THAT good. =)

So my "cure" for my problem is to read A LOT of blogs that are well written and then some that aren't so I can compare and then learn from those...seems like a good idea to me! You agree? If you don't, keep those comments to yourself!

Anyway, sometimes I have these things I want to write about, but I know they won't come out right...but I will keep trying until they do. Sometimes I even go back and reread them after a long time and change them. Today is a day that I can picture a TOTALLY inspiring blog entry, but it probably won't happen. Just pretend it is great okay? You could even comment on it too =)


So today was my first Saturday Gathering after Camp Erin 2008. SG's are a follow up to camp. All the campers from this year are invited every other month for a few hours on a Saturday. We do an opening circle (i will explain that later) and a memory/grief activity and then closing circle.
It is awkward because we haven't seen them in a few months. It is awkward because there are only 7 of us counselors there and the kids are used to 40 of us. So they have a small chance that their own counselor is even there. 20 kids were signed up today, but not everyone made it.

I am always excited to go because during the year I miss my camp friends a TON! I LOVE and adore everyone I work with there! They are wonderful, kind, gentle, HEART of GOLD people. Every stinkin one. We all make a great team together, because we bring a ton of different qualities and mix them all up.

At camp I took special interest from afar (I know that sounds stalkerish) in a girl in the teen girls cabin. I will call her Lucy, because she has a name that isn't very common and I would in no way want anyone to know who she is. The first day we meet the kids is a week before camp. It is a pizza party for everyone to meet each other before camp. Similar to a dog and pony show...if you will. The parents are checking us out the WHOLE TIME. Which in this case I understand. Their already very vulnerable children are going to go to a very intense camp for a weekend. I get it.

Lucy arrived at the pizza party with a hat on and a "I am too cool for this" look on her face. Not a lot of words. I noticed her this night, but thought NOTHING of her.

One week later at camp, I noticed her again. This time I notice she has a hat on again. It is like a guys' hat and it is a little crooked. Totally ghetto, but whatever. I notice her more this time because I realize she looks very similar to a good friend of mine.
The next day, the hat it still on. Very gangsta ( I am still young so I can use the no "r" in that word) like. I thought about her and her hat all day. I analyzed her and her hat all day. I noticed she wore the hat EVERYWHERE. She had the hat on for EVERYTHING.

I noticed that the teen girls are very standoffish with each other and everyone at camp for about the first day and a half. Some stay that way the whole time, but for the most party by Saturday afternoon they open up.

I mentioned something about the hat to my dear from Candice. Candice is a middle school counselor (read: candice is a god-send!) You couldn't pay me enough to work with that age group...they scare me. Their hormones scare me. Candice agreed that there was something strange with the hat.

Sunday morning at breakfast...4 hours prior to departure of Camp Erin 2008...

Lucy's hat is off!

Lucy has a smile on her face.

Lucy is chatting with her cabin mates.

MegPie is smiling.

Candice is smiling.

Candice and I looked at each other and knew what the other was thinking without saying a word.

At closing circle after the campers leave, the staff sits around and bawls together about the weekend. There wouldn't be nearly the bawling if we weren't so freakin tired. But it works for us. We share about the weekend. We share what we got out of it. Some of us cry that NEVER cry. I, on the other hand am not one of those people that don't cry. I CRY ALL THE FREAKIN TIME!

So in closing circle I like to be inspiring, appreciative, and gentle. Kind of like these blogs...
I mentioned how in the movie Big Daddy, starring Adam Sandler, that the little boy wears his "invisible" glasses so that no one can see him. He is suffering the loss of his parents I believe.
I compare Lucy's hat with the glasses. The hat was a comfort to her. She didn't have to open up or "show" anyone who she was. Sunday morning was like a new beginning for her. She didn't need the hat anymore. She felt free and ready to be herself. She really touched me that weekend and I didn't speak to her once.

After my turn in closing circle, Lucy's counselor told us that she said to her that morning, "man if camp was longer I actually would have done the activities." Sunday was the only day she participated for the most part.

Today Lucy showed up. We were very surprised. Today, Lucy had no hat.

I made a point to sit with Lucy at her table of collage making. We got to talking and sharing a few things. She is an AMAZINGLY strong girl.

Lucy's mother passed away and Lucy and her older sister had to be adopted by a friend. What a tough thing when you are in middle school. Lucy is now a Sophomore and seems to be doing well. It was totally her choice to come today. She amazes me. I hope she will come back.

37/365
Seeing my old camp friends makes me happy!

You are my nightlight...

I found this card today in Target. They just "remodeled" my Target and it is super cool. Unlucky for me, I couldn't find anything. I feel lost. It is only a matter of time before I know the aisles better than the workers. Okay okay! I spend a lot of time there! I won't even tell you about the time someone thought I was a worker there! I have stopped wearing red since then.

There is a section of cards that have quotes by small children on them. Whether they are real quotes or not...I heart them and I tend to purchase quite a few. Did I mention I am a card whore? I am. I love giving and sending cards. Who doesn't love a good card right? Especially from me.

I found one that says..."you are my nightlight". It was perfect because I was looking for a card for my dear dear friend...Teacha! Teacha gets me through the days...she makes me laugh, she makes me cry, sometimes she even makes me workout! She is like my life support...seriously. Anyway I needed her today and she was there, via text message which is almost the best. You don't have to face anyone. I love my teacha. The card fits her perfect. The funny thing is, I bought it for her for another reason. I bought it to thank her for the kind donation she made to Camp Erin in my name for my birthday. She was struggling with "the perfect gift" for me. She came up with this on her own and I am forever grateful.

Now I need to go find another card for her kind heart and words of today...

20/365

Teacha's words from her heart make me happy!

Reunited and it feels so good...

I forgot to blog yesterday...maybe cause I wasn't so happy yesterday? Who knows?

I did get to see my camp peeps though...HOLLA!!! Man o' Man...talk about people that are a "big deal"...my camp peeps ARE a big deal. I love to brag about them!
You can read more about camp here.

Bad news though...I can't do camp next year!!!!!! My goal was every year for the rest of my life. Apparently I won't be obtaining that goal! Worst day of my life!!! Almost literally. I think most of you know how important this thing is to me. It is my sanctuary of fun, grief, healing, and eating...did I say that outloud? We eat A LOT okay people! So why can't you do camp? Is the question you are probably asking about now...
Two of my nearest and dearest are getting married!



I know I know surprise surprise...actually when I told the head honchos I couldn't do it, they sarcastically responded..."why do you have a wedding?" Why yes I do! Remember my Brother and Dr. are getting hitched! Wedding 8 people and I can't wait! That will be my new t-shirt. "#8 and I can't wait!" My goal is 12...so if you are out there thinking about asking me to be in your wedding...YOU could be part of my goal! Think about it.


18/365
Reuniting with my camp peeps makes me happy!

The Place that Changes Lives...also known as Camp Erin

2008 marks the fourth year of Camp Erin in Portland, OR.



To find out how Camp Erin was started, click here



Many people don't believe in coincidences. I am one of them. It was by fate that I got started with this.



I worked at Providence while getting my Master's degree. My friend was out on maternity leave having her darling girls and I was checking her emails with her permission of course! I ran across an email and the subject read: Camp Erin. Hmm...I love me a good camp! So I opened it! Little did I know then, that was the beginning of a journey that would take me places I never imagined. The email stated there was a meeting for a camp that was being started for grieving children. Hmm...I like children and I may know about grieving...I'm just sayin!



SIDENOTE: I don't LIKE to do things alone that are scary...but I often do them anyway! The motto "feel the fear and do it anyway." So



I went to the meeting. As I was signing in I was approached by a lady I sat next to at Orientation for Providence. She was in charge of the entire Camp. Hmm...another twist of fate.



I sat down, kind of scared. It seemed as though most people knew each other. They probably didn't but it seemed that way.



Next, Jamie came to sit next to me. She introduced herself and told me I looked familar and wanted to know if I had connections to the Dougy Center. HELLO!!! I starred in a few of the videos made for that place! People should be asking for autographs! She recognized me from one of those videos...NICE!



As the meeting went on, I got more and more excited to be a part of this organization. This was an amazing place and I NEEDED to be a part of. Within 5 minutes, I decided that MiMi (my mom) needed to be there too.



The rest is history. I just finished my fourth year at Camp Erin as a Lead Big Buddy. Don't forget that LEAD part...it means, Candy and Laura get to ask me EVERYTHING and leave the HARD decisions to me as well as I get to carry the walkie talkie...FABULOUS!



Some things about Camp Erin that I heart...



-All campers get a handmade quilt and bear on their bunks when they arrive to take home at the end of the weekend.

-All campers make a quilt square in memory of their loved one that has passed. The quilt is put together by our very own Camp Erin Quilter and ready for the kids to see Sunday morning. Bless Karen's heart for staying up ALL NIGHT to get it done.

-A luminary ceremony takes place Saturday night in memory of their loved ones. Each child makes a paperbag luminary decorated in rememberance and then set on a raft in the pond. It is was of the most amazing things you will ever see.

-Candy and I are the "feature" entertainers...or at least we like to think we are. We do a "dueling toothbrushes" skit that the kids talk about for hours! Probably days!

-Campers are spoiled rotten by us!

-There is a waterslide to die for! (no pun intended...I HAD TO!)



We usually accept 48 campers. Statistics show that 1 in every 20 kids will experience the death of a loved one before high school graduation. There is a HUGE need for kids to experience this camp. There is ALWAYS a waiting list to get in. The goal of Jamie Moyer is to have one of these camps in AT LEAST every major league baseball city in the US. GO MOYERS!